I need to vent. Complain. Express my frustrations. And most of all, I need some encouragement. I'm really struggling today, and it all began last night.
Let me first say that I think women fall in 1 of 2 categories: They either think they are fatter than they really are, or they think they are skinnier than they really are.
I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm one of the "I think I'm skinnier than I really am" ladies. Believe me, I know that I'm overweight...very much so. I know what weight I need to be at, and how much I'm going to have to lose to get there. That isn't the issue.
The issue is that when I look in the mirror, I don't realize how bad off I am. That is, until I see a picture of myself. Unfortunately, I've avoided full body pictures of myself for so long, that I never even see "that" side of me.
Well, a few months ago my MIL gave me a pic that the entire family took back in May, before I had lost some weight. I couldn't believe how huge I was. You know how overweight people will tell you they didn't even recognize themselves in a picture? Whelp, that was me. I stared in awe at this picture secretly hoping that I wasn't as bad off as I looked...that my "over sized" shirt made me look worse than I really was. Or maybe it was the angle I was standing at. Or heck, I could just look that bad because my hair looked like a hot mess. Believe me, I was reaching for something, but boy was I wrong.
Really wrong.
Anyway, jumping ahead. As of this morning, I have officially lost 39.2 lbs (since the dreaded picture). I've been a little discouraged because I can't tell that I've really lost. I finally got into some jeans that I haven't worn in 3 years...Pre-Presley...but still didn't feel or see the difference.
Well, last night I was trying on some clothes that I had gotten for my High School reunion this weekend. I was kinda doing a "fashion show" for Clinton so he could tell me what I should wear. I finally looked at him and was like "hey, why don't you take my pictures in these so I can really see what I look like" ....because yes, I am still one of those people that think I'm skinnier than I really am. Maybe I should re-phrase this...I am one of those people that think I'm not as fat as I really am. There is no part of me that believes I'm "skinny"...just wanted to clear that up.
So. Clinton takes the pictures. And long story short, I was mortified...still am. He couldn't understand why I was freaking out, and he kept talking about how I've lost 40 lbs and should be excited...blah blah blah. I finally broke down and told him that the 40 lbs didn't matter. What I looked like in those pictures, was worse than I what I thought I looked like pre-40lbs!! That was the most depressing part of all of it. To think "Surely I've made some leeway here"....and then see that I'm "bigger" than I was before...or at least thought that I was.
Which leads to this long and depressing post. I'm sorry for all the complaining today, but I went to bed depressed, and I woke up depressed, too. And now I have to go to my high school reunion feeling like this. Although I've always known I needed to lose 100 lbs or so...well 60 now...I never let it affect my excitement for the reunion. Now...I'm dreading it. To know what I "really" look like , makes me want to crawl in a hole.
So please just say a prayer that I don't let it affect my weekend. I want to have a good time and enjoy my friends and former classmates.
But most of all, I don't want to get so discouraged that I give up on my weight loss journey.
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12 comments:
Don't give up!! Girl you have done an amazing job!! You have lost almost 40lbs in like 12 weeks!! THAT'S AWESOME!!! Don't focus on how much you have left just focus on how well you have done so far and keep working at it! Love you!
Do not give up and don't get down about it! Your husband is right, you've lost 40 already and that is a huge feat! Have fun at your reunion!
Candice, I feel for you sweetheart because I have similar issues about myself, at times I think I stil look like I did in high school but then I look in the mirror or even worse a picture and I'm depressed for days. But sweetie know that you have done SO well by losing 40lbs and you are such a beautiful person, outside and in, it honestly doesn't matter how much you weigh! You are so beautiful and you keep your head up this weekend, have fun and please don't let this ruin a big weekend of yours! Have fun with your highschool friends and your hubby! You WILL get to where you want to be, keep up the good work!!
Do not feel sad...look how much you have already lost!!
Don't sweat this! You've lost 40 lbs. That's an accomplishment. You have a loving husband and a super, cute daughter. Just remember that we are our hardest critics. You are going to the reunion and you are going to look FABULOUS! Don't let this get you down. Be proud of what you've done! You are beautiful inside and OUT!!! Now, show us pics of the reunion, HOT Momma!
awww...I'm sorry to ready this!! You have done SO great so far by losing the 40 pounds...you are well on your way to your goal!! Keep up the good work. I always think that I looks nasty in pictures...the camera def. adds 10 pounds...just try to be confident about yourself and that will radiate!!
Oh Candice, I'm sorry you've had such a rough day :-( I know how you feel with the whole "feeling skinner than what you actually are" I'm sure that you were just used to the way you were before, and comfortable feeling that way, even though you needed to change. Now that you've kicked ass and lost 40lbs, it is a differnent feeling, a weird zone. I'm sure it takes a while to get used to your new body and feel comfortable and confident again. Try not to be so hard on yourself, you deserve to allow yourself time to settle into yourself!! PLEASE keep on going, you're a beautiful inspiration to us all. I hope you have a great time this weekend, you deserve to be happy and confident, you rock Candice!! :-D
Candice- first, thank you for being so honest. Just you saying these things aloud helps so many and I admire your courage and strength. As I was reading this I was literally saying "This is me, this is me." About 10 years ago I had gained around 50 lbs before I was finally diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes (I was that 1% who actually gained weight pre-diagnosis) and eventually lost it over the course of a year. Anyway, I did NOT in any way think I looked like I had gained that much, even going as far as to make my sister (who is the same size as me normally) try on a shirt of mine to prove we were still the same size. Well she did, and the shirt was swimming on her. I was mortified and heartbroken. So I know exactly what you are feeling and saying. Please do not give up on this! Be proud of the 40 lbs you worked your butt off to lose! Turn this into even more motivation, because you deserve this! You are a gorgeous person with an even more gorgeous soul- and a wonderful inspiration! Keep blogging and keep us updated. Have a wonderful weekend. Hugs xo, Annemarie
You really should be SOOOO proud of yourself and click back to the previous posts patting yourself on the back for your weight loss so far. It's a big milestone and reality on it being a journey. I love that you document the good, the bad, and the sad. Sending lots of love your way!!!
You have done sooooo good so far!!! Don't give up, you can do it!! Think of how far you have come; it's amazing!!! If you have a cheat day or a day of feeling in the dumps, start fresh the next day. Think positive!!!!!! Keep your head up girl!
Just have to say I love you and you are AWESOME.
Girl, 40 lbs is amazing! Don't ever doubt that! I'm glad you had fun at your reunion!
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