What did I do to deserve this?

This is how my mornings SHOULD go:

• 6:00: wake up and take a shower
• 6:30: Fix Presley's breakfast
• 6:45: Put on my makeup
• 7:00: Get dressed
• 7:10: Get Presley dressed
• 7:20: Brush her teeth and fix her hair
• 7:25: Kennel the dogs and leave

Now, this is how my morning goes on most days....including this morning:

• 6:00: woke up and took a shower
• 6:30: fixed Presleys breakfast
• 6:45: Put on my makeup
• 7:00: Got dressed
• 7:10: Attempted to get Presley dressed however she proceeded to flop around like a fish making this virtually impossible.
• 7:18: Tried to brush her teeth but she refused to open her mouth. I gave her the toothbrush and went straight for the hair. She continued to shake her head from side to side so that I could not put in her piggy tails.
• 7:23: Went to the let the dogs inside and Sam refused to come in. I went out to catch him and proceeded to run in 60 miles an hour in circles around the yard and myself.
• 7:26: Gave up on trying to catch Sam and went inside.
• 7:26: Sam runs in behind me and halfway knocks Presley down.
• 7:26: Sam runs to the bedroom, hops on the bed, and begins to do his rendition of a bucking bronco. In the meantime, his dirty paw prints are all over my clean white sheets and white down comforter.
• 7:28: Sam jumps off and crawls under the bed so that I can't reach him.
• 7:28: Jake takes Sam's place on the bed, dirty paws and all, and does his rendition of a bucking bronco....with my socks in his mouth.
• 7:29: Round up the dogs and take them to their kennels.
• 7:30: Get all 15 bags I have to carry every day and take them to the car.
• 7:30: Hear Presley climbing on something in the garage....only to find out its the rack on the back of Clintons jeep where there was recently a dead, bloody deer.
• 7:31: Get Presley in the car. Finally...right?? NO.
• 7:31: Take her milk and baby out of her arms for 10 seconds to strap her in her car seat while she screams bloody murder.
• 7:33: Presley drops her milk on the floor of the backseat. I reach back to pick it up, only I have this gut feeling its not her fresh milk and that its old. Only I dont know for sure because I cant see that well. So I don't give it to her just in case.
• 7:33-7:50: Listen to Presley scream at the top of her lungs "MILK, MILK, MILK!!!!"
• 7:50: Drop her off at Lisa's, get back in my car after talking to the babysitter for a few minutes, and drive to work in silence.

I officially understand what people mean now when they say "I have to go to work to get some peace and quiet."

And Clinton wants to know why I'm always 5 or 10 minutes late to work. Gee honey, I don't know.

Now I think Im gonna copy LA and come up with a list of my favorite Hollywood men. Every woman needs a list. Just in case :)